Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
