I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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