so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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