Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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