dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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