i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
