Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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