We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
