if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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