Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I understand Curling. That high.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
