i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
