yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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