I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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