It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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