Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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