Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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