you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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