this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
