Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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