So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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