OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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