He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
