I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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