Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
