I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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