Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
