I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
