Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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