He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
