Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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