They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
