I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
