are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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