this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its not stalking. its research.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
