We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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