this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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