You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
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Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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