just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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