I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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