I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
