how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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