nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
