Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
