alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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