Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
