Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
