Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
