either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
