And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
