Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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