She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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