i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
why is half of my head shaved?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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