at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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