I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Farmville is her only friend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
