im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
