ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
