We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
