So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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