im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
