Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
